My kids and I listened to a passage from Hosea this morning that instantly convicted my heart.
I can think of so many times in my life when God’s presence was so real, when He was obviously with me, sustaining me, giving me grace that I did not deserve. It is easy for me to look at the dark places in my story and say “See, I survived this”.
On Monday the wind caught the hood of my car, blowing it into my windshield. I am not entirely sure how I made it safely off the winding road to close the hood, or several miles back to the shop with the glass caving in. In talking to the shop and our insurance company, there was damage to the frame around the window that insurance will not cover. It may not be worth fixing. In an odd little turn, the problem with the hood may have been caused by hitting a deer back in November. That the insurance may cover. Who knows? Do I need to? Or can I trust that, like many other situations we encountered this year, this will also work out to our good.
Or turning it another way: I am worrying about losing the vehicle that I used to carry around the children whom I should not have been able to have in the first place. The ones who faced some scary medical stuff this year and are now mostly well. The ones I had with a husband who I didn’t expect to still be alive in 2019. I am trying to figure out transportation logistics for the summer graduate class that I should have in no way been able to afford. After going back to college, which I also should not have been able to afford. Not to mention the fact that I left highschool after 9th grade. God has been good to me, and has done for me what would have been impossible for me to do for myself.
How often do I acknowledge the Lovingkindness that carried me through dark places, the people that offered refreshment along the way?
How often do I acknowledge that there are many others who are so much less fortunate?
(and that my problems are largely first world problems)
That I don’t need all the things that I think that I need?
(Like, even my maybe totalled car was one of three in our household)
That my life is relatively easy, and punctuated by the miraculous?
Today is a miracle. My children are well. There are flowerbeds to weed, Chickens to catch, and at some point the sun will set, painting the sky with glory.